As we touch the Temple, the Temple touches us

In General Conference last year, they talked about touching the Temple, that even if you couldn't go into the Temple that you could go there and touch it, and that in doing so, it would touch you. I took my kids there and we walked around the grounds and eventually went up to the Temple and touched it. It was a really good experience for us all, and the kids still talk about it today.

A week ago yesterday I went through the Temple for my endowments. I was able to go with Barb and her parents. It was really quite amazing to me how wonderful the experience was, how spiritual it was, and how much sense it all made to me in terms of the order of things, the meaning of things, and the symbolism of what was conveyed. If you read on the internet about what "happens in the temple" from the people that hate Mormons, it is really quite shocking what they say. There are truly a lot of terrible things written about what happens in the Temple. I had gone to a Temple preparation class with Barbara and I was able to learn a great deal about the meaning and motivation of going to the Temple through my wonderful instructors. And going through the Temple for my endowments was a wholly wonderful experience, completely and utterly different than what I had read about it from the sites that supposedly inform people of what goes on there.

It is easy, VERY easy, to see how people would find the Temple or LDS faith to be cultish given what is written on the internet. Given what actually happens in the Temple, it is amazing how completely different it is from the stories people seem to tell of it.

I certainly can't speak for other people that have gone through for their endowments, and I can't speak for what happened in the past. But for myself, I can say that nothing even REMOTELY inappropriate occurred there, which is directly contrary to what people say "online".

I had taken to reading a few of the anti Mormon sites when my Mother had been researching the Church and she had encouraged me to read some of the information as she had done. At that time, I had already read some, but I read a great deal more to understand better where she was coming from. It makes sense how easy it would be to be frightened or in the very least concerned if you were not a member and read the information on the internet about the Church.

My time in the Temple up to now has been absolutely wonderful, rewarding, and extremely Spiritually fulfilling. I truly love being there, and I look forward to being sealed in the Temple this Saturday to my wonderful fiance'.

I can honestly say that the Temple has touched me. I look forward to going back often throughout my life and my marriage. It truly is a blessing, and it truly does bless us for going. I know because I have received a very specific and real, tangible blessing from going to the Temple, and I have written about that here in the past.

I am thankful that we have Temples here on the earth, and I look forward to my wife and I making our house "like unto a Temple".

Signs

I haven't written in a long while. I've had reasons, some valid, some not. I could explain them, but they don't really matter, to be honest. The thing to do is to get started again. :)


First I think it would probably be a good idea to talk a bit about things that have happened in the past that I haven't written about. It is an obvious thing that I should have been writing more since it is so easy to forget things, especially as I get older.


One day last year I was driving to Barb's cousin's (Debi) house. My daughter Abbie was in the back seat with my son. She says to me, out of the clear blue sky "Daddy, you need to slow down". I didn't know why at the time she would say something like that since I was already going a little bit less than the speed limit. She said again "Daddy, slow down!". I did. She had never said anything like that to me before in my life. Next thing I know, a truck pulls out in front of me, clearly not having seen me, from a side street. I couldn't believe how hard I had to hit my brakes to not hit him. If I hadn't already slowed down, I wouldn't have been able to keep from hitting him.


The first time I tried to have family home evening with my kids, I had nothing other than the Book of Mormon that the Missionaries had given me. I felt full of the Spirit and confident in my ability to read to them from the scriptures. I got something like three or four verses in, and my then four year old son and two year old daughter, for some inexplicable reason, became bored. :) I eventually had successful family home evenings but they began with things like songs and pictures and props that the kids could more readily associate with and have fun with.


So I was surprised when Barb told me that she had a prompting to give my children each a hard cover Book of Mormon. I actually very nearly told her it was a bad idea. To be honest, the sentences had already formed in my head to tell her that she shouldn't do it, because they wouldn't be interested. But I have learned to follow and to honor promptings, and I am so glad I didn't say anything to counter Barb's prompting. So she gave each of them their own Book of Mormon with their name on it. I didn't think much of it since I had no real expectation of anything happening or any interest on the part of the kids. I think it was the next day that they both discovered pictures in their Book of Mormon. They asked me about the pictures, and I explained each of them to the best of my knowledge at the time. There was a picture of Joseph Smith, and a picture of Jesus among them. Also, there was a picture of Moroni with the gold plates in a box. Unbelievably to me, the next day, when Barb was over to the house for Family Home Evening, Alex began telling her what was in each of the pictures. At the time I had explained to the kids about the pictures, Abbie had listened very intently and Alex seemed decidedly disinterested. But here he was, pronouncing Joseph Smith correctly and telling Barb about each picture. I had thought my daughter the one most likely to remember things, and she did, but Alex, who I had written off as not getting ANYTHING out of my discussion, remembered virtually every word I had said!


Abbie began carrying her Book of Mormon around the house with her, and sleeping with it at night. She absolutely loves to just turn the pages and touch them, even though most of the time, the pages she is looking at only have writing she can't understand. Barb and I each hand wrote a short dedication in the front of both Books of Mormon.


Another time last year, my Mother came over to my house to watch the movie "Up" with my kids, Barbara and I. Abbie was still carrying her Book of Mormon with her EVERYWHERE, and so there she sat, next to her Grandma (my Mom), with her Book of Mormon. I quite literally could not believe my ears or my eyes when I saw Abbie hand the Book of Mormon to my Mom. She told my Mom, and I quote "Here. Hold this. You should read it." I felt really tiny in my chair, thinking that my Mother would think I had asked Abbie to say something like that to her, which I surely did NOT! My Mother was and still is quite negative about the Mormon Church, and I would absolutely not do anything to confront her with something about the Church and least of all would it be through actions of my daughter! But there was Abbie the little Missionary just barely three years old. I have a lot to learn from my kids!


I'll post more later on, but I wanted to capture a few things I could remember from the time I wasn't blogging (but should have been).

A Message to my Ward

In early January of this year, I was asked to speak to my ward about Doctrine and Covenants 88. I put together an admittedly long talk, and I had figured I would pick and choose from it depending on whether I had fifteen minutes or as little as ten. As it turns out, all I really had was three minutes, and so I improvised and took four or five minutes to give the highlights of what I remembered from my talk merged with what the Spirit guided me to say. Here now, for future reference, is the entire talk I had intended to give that day.

I’d like to thank every person in this Ward that has inspired me with their life experiences, their testimonies or commentary. I’d like to thank every person that told me they were glad to see me here, invited me to their home, or just smiled at me in the hallways or at the grocery store. Those are things that make me feel welcome here. They are things that make me feel like one of you. And those feelings are more important than any of you realize.

The scripture I was asked to use as inspiration for my talk is Doctrine and Covenants 88 verse 133. Being new to the Church, I wasn’t completely familiar with when section 88 came about or why, so I took the liberty of looking it up. It turns out that it was a revelation given on December 27th, 1832, and it was about the Temple, the work of the ministry, and about schools.

One hundred and forty four years later, in 1976, then BYU President Dallin H. Oaks said of section 88 that “The Lord commanded that the teacher ‘should be first in the house, ... that he may be an example’ ”.

Then, in reference to 88-133 specifically, he says “The students must also be worthy.”.

But let’s read through D&C 88-133 itself now:

“Art though a brother or brethren?”

This first portion seems to make it clear that he is talking to everyone. There is no one excluded.

“I salute you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ,”

Elder Oaks explained that when the first LDS school was established, back in 1833, the teachers were instructed to say just that to the students as they entered the school.

“in token or remembrance of the everlasting covenant to fellowship,”

The teachers’ greeting to the student continued with that last bit. But there was more.

“in a determination that is fixed, immovable, and unchangeable, to be your friend and brother through the grace of God”

How much more steadfast in being your friend and brother could they possibly be than to have a determination, as they said, that is fixed, immovable, and unchangeable?!? Then, continuing...

“in the bonds of love, to walk in all the commandments of God blameless,”

This is precisely what we should all be striving for in this life.

“in thanksgiving, forever and ever, Amen.”

Now that we’ve heard the whole of D&C 88 verse 133, let us reflect on what it says and ponder how it might apply to us. First, I think in light of what Elder Oaks said, we need to be mindful that this verse in particular was a greeting given to each student that attended the school. Next, we need to remember that we are all students here to learn, every one of us.

To me, the single most important part of this entire verse is the part that reads: “...in a determination that is fixed, immovable, and unchangeable, to be your friend and brother through the grace of God...”

If I think of how my son Alex would explain this, he would speak of the love and friendship that the Transformer Bumblebee has for Sam Witwicky in the movie Transformers. Bumblebee isn’t related to Sam, he isn’t even a human being, he’s a giant robot that transforms into a car. But he cares for Sam and would do anything in his power to help him. Bumblebee goes so far as to very nearly sacrifice his own life to protect Sam. My son saw the movie Transformers and he has a very sincere love for Bumblebee, he adores him, and I submit to you that the reason my son Alex loves Bumblebee so very much is not because of how much the computers made him look real. It isn’t because of the voice acting or the special effects, it isn’t because he transforms - let’s face it, every transformer in the movie transforms; rather it is because Bumblebee, more than any other character in the entire movie, including Sams’ own parents, risks his life to protect Sam.

I personally think it is extremely important to note that in almost the entire movie, Bumblebee has no dialogue. He shows Sam that he cares through his actions, not his words.

If my son, who was just three years old when he first saw the movie, could identify how genuinely Bumblebee cared for Sam, how he was his friend, how he sacrificed of himself, then imagine how easily an adult or young adult in our ward can identify these things?

Again, the portion of my assigned scripture I am most interested in talking to you about today is - “...in a determination that is fixed, immovable, and unchangeable, to be your friend and brother through the grace of God...”

Let me now reflect upon my daughter Abbie. She has only recently turned three. In 2007, one of the movies I saw with my kids was called “Wall-E”. In this movie, there is again, virtually no dialogue from the main characters. In the entire first half of the movie, there is no dialogue at all! We see the movie’s namesake, Wall-E going about his daily life and eventually encountering another robot we will call “Eva”. It turns out her name is Eve, but Wall-E can’t get the name quite right, so he calls her “Eva”.

As we watch the movie, we see what amounts to a courtship between two robots. In the first three quarters of the movie, it is very one sided, Wall-E is courting Eva, but Eva could basically care less. It is only later, when Eva realizes just how much Wall-E cares for her, that she is able to return the favor. When Wall-E needs her most, when he is near to death himself, Eva is there for him. Eva makes it abundantly clear that she will do absolutely anything it takes to help Wall-E.

My daughter Abbie, who was just two years old when she first saw the movie, absolutely adored Eva, and she still does. She talked about how Eva helped Wall-E, and how much Wall-E needed Eva’s help to survive.

As God’s children, we need to take this to heart. One last time, from the scripture - “...in a determination that is fixed, immovable, and unchangeable, to be your friend and brother through the grace of God...” Realize the last part of that - “through the grace of God”. It doesn’t say “easily”, it doesn’t say “by accident”, and it sure doesn’t say “without any effort”.

I have to extend a sincere thank you to all the members of the ward that were here for me when I joined. The people that knew my name, that knew how to pronounce it. The people that showed me how happy they were that I was here. The people that continued to do those things long after I was Baptized. I needed those things. They helped me, and they continue to help me. The truth is, we all need those things. And we need them almost all the time, whether we realize it or not. Who here can say they don’t feel better when someone reaches out to them with a sincere heart?

This is a ward family, and we need to treat each other as family, but we also need to take it further when we can. I testify to you that reaching out to others is something that helps you as much if not more than the people you reach out to! If you are down and feel like you are having a bad day - look around you, there is probably someone here that is worse off than you are. See if you can help cheer them up, you might find it helps you deal with your own situation.

I think the most important part of all of this is to really understand the time frame involved here. It might be easy to think of how important it is to be there for a new member that is just investigating the Church. It might be easy to think of trying to help the member that just stopped going to Church.

I submit to you that perhaps the most important time is actually in between.

Think of all the people that are here in the ward, that first arrived to the ward strong, and that everyone just assumes is still just as strong today in their faith as when they first got here.. There is a transition that happens between being strong in faith and losing faith. For most people, that transition doesn’t happen overnight. It happens over weeks, or months... or years.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately of how to make certain that my upcoming marriage will be for all eternity. I think it is extremely critical that I never stop dating Barbara. No matter how busy I get, no matter how much I think she knows that I love her, I need to continue doing all the things I do now while we are dating, and then some.

Our ward is the same way. We need to be there for our members whether they just joined, whether they just left, or whether they have been here for years and seem to be extremely strong in their faith.

We all need to be uplifted, and we can all do that for each other. I believe very strongly that a huge part of what keeps people active in the Church is recharging their spiritual batteries. This comes from reading scripture, from family home evening, and from going to the entire three hour block on Sundays. But another part of that is the feeling that you belong, the feeling that you are loved, the feeling that people have your back. Without that, the journey feels a little more lonely. And we shouldn’t have that in a ward family.

Jesus Christ atoned for all of our sins in the garden of Gethsemane. He alone saved us all.

We, together, need to do what we can for our ward members. All of them.

I leave you with one of my most favorite scriptures from all of the Bible, a scripture that, when I have it sincerely in my heart, allows me to be absolutely righteous:

From St. Matthew Chapter 25, verse 40:
“...Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.”

Let us reach out to our brethren, be there for them, raise them up in their times of need. Our entire ward is strengthened when we help one another.

I testify to you my true and complete belief that the Book of Mormon was translated by the Prophet Joseph Smith. I testify to you that Thomas S. Monson is our Prophet today. I testify to you that through the Holy Ghost, through a sincere and soft heart, that we can do absolutely anything we set our minds to do.

I say all of these things in the blessed and sacred name of Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Engaging the Spirit

My life has been truly amazing this year. Putting my old life behind me has been INCREDIBLY uplifting - seeing the JOY in the faces of my kids compared to even just last December is absolutely wondrous.

Being able to spend time with Barbara has been a great thing for myself as well as the kids. They REALLY needed a positive adult female relationship in their lives, and it is so obvious how much they enjoy Barb! Any time Barb is not around, they ask about her, they want to know what she is doing, how she is, when they will see her next, and why Barb can't be with us RIGHT NOW! :) They love her, they say prayers about her, they thank God for her, they even thank God for her when they bless their food.

I love Barb. I love being with her, I love talking to her, I love experiencing things with her, I love playing games with her and playing with the kids with her. She is kind, she is Spiritual, she is loving, she is thoughtful, and she is my companion.

She and I have prayed about each other, reflected on our feelings toward each other and our future. We have both gone to the Temple and prayed about our future as well. We discussed our thoughts on the matter and we were both of the same mind, and after reflecting on it a lot, last week, things really felt like they had come together and that the time was right.

So last week I began preparing for this past Monday. I spent a week thinking about and preparing for Monday. Monday is when I proposed to Barbara. :)

Every Monday at about 6:30pm, Barbara comes over to my house to watch the TV show LOST on DVD. We are re-watching seasons 1 through 5 in preparation of season 6 in January of 2010. This Monday, however, was different, but Barb didn't really know that until she got to my house.

She came inside and I gave her a very enjoyable hug and kiss. Then I stepped back a bit and held her hands and talked to her about what would unfold that evening. Dropping to one knee, I proposed to my beloved Barbara, and she said yes! :) She loved the ring I had picked out, and it was the right size (which had been a merely educated guess on my part). I then showed her the two dozen purple roses I had gotten her (in a HUGE glass vase) - I knew purple was her favorite color, but what I didn't know was that purple roses were her favorite flowers. So that worked out well! :)

Then I grabbed a picnic supper I had packed for us along with my scripture case and we got into the car. I didn't tell her where we were going, but we called some family and friends on the way there to let them know we were officially engaged. Our destination was to a place I knew would be good for us given what we most enjoyed in our time together. Companionship, beautiful surroundings, a place with a good feeling of Spirit, time to sit and talk. I was bringing us to the Mesa Temple. She eventually figured it out and she was happy about it. :)

We sat and ate the picnic supper I had packed and talked while we ate. We saw many families at the Temple for their family home evening. When we were done eating, I read her some scripture that I felt was especially relevant to us as a couple, and about her specifically. We held each other for a while and talked some more.

After putting the lunch bags and scripture case in the car, we strolled around the Temple, talking, reflecting, thinking. It was extremely peaceful and pleasant. The weather was absolutely PERFECT - it was hard to believe it was August in Arizona! We talked about our wedding day and so many other things. We made plans for our future and held hands. We hugged; we kissed; we laughed; we cried; we touched the Temple together. We shared our time together as companions, as Spirits engaged.

We dropped the flowers off to Barb's house (there is no way they could have survived a trip in an unattended passenger seat - they would have tipped over), and stopped in at some friends' houses that were near her home. We returned to my house and took an engagement photo, and then she departed for the evening.

Barb returned home to discover that I had asked her best friend to distribute purple rose petals in her home along with a note from me. She read the note and gave me a call. We talked briefly about our night together and our future together.

The next morning Barb discovered I had asked someone at her work to drop off a wrapped gift and card from me on her desk. She called me and her entire class of kids let me know how they felt about it. :)

My kids and I stopped by her work for lunch that day and it was nice to let the kids see the ring on her finger and to let her know how much they loved her.

Barbara is a fine lady. She brings out the best in me. She is beautiful, she is wonderful, and I want to spend time and all eternity with her.

We will be married March 20th, 2010, at 2pm. :)

"I just want a Bible. With Jesus in it!"

Abbie, crying: "Daddy, I have an owie!!"

Daddy: "Would you like Daddy to kiss it?"

Abbie, still crying: "No. I just want a Bible. With Jesus in it!"

Daddy hands her her Bible.

Abbie, no longer crying: "Thanks Daddy, I'm all better now!"

She just warms my heart so much. :)

My own personal Temple blessing

I wrote a while ago about having visited the Temple. I'm due to go back soon and I look forward to that very much. What I didn't write about my previous visit though, was a blessing I had received.

I have been blessed by my visit to the Temple, and the blessing has remained in place, unwavering, ever since. The blessing is very personal, but I wanted to share about it as much as I can because it was EXTREMELY tangible - it happened immediately after my Temple visit, and it hasn't left me since.

So, let me tell you what I can of this blessing. First, I can say that before this particular visit to the Temple that I had been struggling with a particular temptation. I had found a way to be successful in not SUCCUMBING to this particular temptation, but here is the thing - nothing I did prevented me from being tempted. There is a big difference between not being tempted and in finding a way to deal with the temptation! No matter what I did, I couldn't get the temptation to go away, so I just focused on not succumbing. That had gone on for several months.

Then I went to the Temple, not thinking about this temptation one bit while I was there - in fact, my mind was completely focused on the trip, the work, the joy of finally being there.

...and then I got home. It was just a few hours after getting home that I noticed the temptation was gone. I remember thinking "that is nice...". And the next day it was gone too. And the next.

It has been gone ever since.

I cannot tell you how much of a blessing this has been for me! The Temple is a truly wondrous place and wondrous things happen there.

I have received my very own personal Temple blessing...

...and I have only begun to see the smallest of the blessings in store.

The flight of the Spirit

I've been on the ride of my life lately. I think back over the last few months and it is just flat out unbelievable how much my life has changed.

My divorce finished on the last day of December, last year, and my kids have transitioned from being depressed, unhappy, yet tolerant, to being VERY happy kids. They are sitting here playing in this same room, having so much fun together. I've been amazingly blessed to have such wonderful kids and I feel so very fortunate to have them in a MUCH healthier environment now than what they spent the first few years of their lives in.

I moved into a new house in mid January, and I remember the day I closed on the house. So many MANY months of work and planning, hoping, even praying, and I was fortunate enough to actually be able to buy the new house. The complications involved were many, but in the end it happened. The day I closed on the house, I brought the kids to it, we sat down in their room and I tried to tell them of my hopes and dreams with the new house. I talked to them about what the future might hold for us. I told them of the things that were behind us. We cried together. We said some prayers together. My heart was filled with relief, joy, and fear.

I had taken all of the money in my bank and put it into a down payment on the new house, putting 20% down on it and spending the rest in upgrades for the house (things like tiling the entire house). I did this two weeks before 10% of the people where I worked got laid off. I knew it was a risk that I could have done all of these things only to lose my job, but I felt it was the right choice. I didn't know it at the time, but I was following a prompting with respect to knowing somehow for sure that I wouldn't be laid off.

Fast forward a few months and I was moved into the new house, the kids had a brand new bunk bed that they LOVED (and still do), a play room with toys in it that they can make as big a mess in as they want, a back yard with grass and trees to play in, parks close by with slides and all kinds of other fun things... We had turned our lives around, life was good. It was in the middle of this time that I found the Church, an old friend sent Missionaries to me, I joined the Church, and shortly thereafter, I was Baptized. It was during this process that I began this blog.

I made so many friends at Church, learned SO much, followed the teachings, and really embraced a whole new way of life. Fast forward a few more months, and something truly wondrous happened. After struggling with finding a companion to spend my time with, she was finally revealed to me. I began spending time with someone that I just couldn't believe was there for me. I was in a relationship of the kind I had previously only ever dreamed of. Spending time with them, I felt as though I had known her my entire life, we just FIT - we had so many good experiences together, and I can truly say I have been growing into an even better person through her.

Fast forward a few more months, and I have now been spending a lot of time with Barbara. We've been able to spend time with my kids, and we have been blessed with some really amazing times together. Some of my favorite moments have been simple quiet times, holding Barbara's hand while we watch the kids play happily together. During those moments, it is easy to picture what the future holds for us. The road we are on is not a short one, and there are many hurdles in our path, but I think it is a very fine road we travel indeed.

My parents aren't in the Church, and so they don't understand it. I see the importance of explaining things to them, of trying to help them understand why it is so important to me. Recently, I had the opportunity to go to the Temple for Baptisms for the dead for the first time. This was a very powerful experience for me. I finally realized more clearly how important it is for us to help as many people as we can that weren't able to receive the ordinances of the Church while here on earth. At the time I went to the Temple, they explained to me that we now have one hundred and thirty Temples spread throughout the world, on every continent. The president and his wife explained that when they were young, there were only a mere seven Temples (and I think at that time they were all on the same continent).

To think of how much the Church has grown in just their lifetime, to think of how much good work is done in those Temples every day, to think of how much the Church will grow during my lifetime... it is a good feeling. We have a lot of work to do, and it feels like the momentum of the Church is growing. You can't help but look at the events taking place in the world today and wonder about how much longer it will be before Jesus comes again. Perhaps there is a reason we are doing so much more work in our Temples now than we did in the past...

I feel like I have been on a flight with the Spirit these past few months. We are scarcely halfway through the year and I feel like I have progressed more in my life this year than I have in the entire rest of my life! Seeing how far I have come this year already, it shows me just a small glimpse of what my future has in store for me. :)

Onest Upon a Time...

You read that right.

Tonight, after the kids and I had our family home evening and I had tucked them both in bed, my two year old daughter came to me in my bedroom (as I was working on homework) and she said:

"Daddy, I want to tell you a bedtime story. Onest upon a time, there was a big dad. And I loved him. THE END!"

She just melts my heart. :)

And my son, his bedtime prayer tonight was pretty cool. I was a bit dense and didn't quite get it at first.

"Dear Heavenly Father, I want to thank God for God. Amen."

What could we possibly be more thankful for than for God being there in the first place?

I have a lot to learn from my kids, that is for sure.

Selfless Service

I was doing some web searching the other day on something COMPLETELY different, and accidentally found this post: Selfless Service. Initially I was going to just skip over it since it was clearly NOT what I was searching for, but then I decided to read it anyway. I am glad I did.

"Later, the bishop said he had talked to the young people and they had caught the vision and spirit of our previous conversation. They wanted to sacrifice their adventure trip and donate all the money to the general missionary fund. They asked if they could come and bring the check and have their picture taken with me as they made the donation, and could they have the picture and an article put into the news?

I surprised him again. I said no. Then I said, “You might consider helping your young people learn a higher law of recognition. Recognition from on high is silent. It is carefully and quietly recorded there. Let them feel the joy and gain the treasure in their heart and soul that come from silent, selfless service.”"

When I first read that portion, I was really taken aback. These young kids in the Church had given up an adventure trip for which they had worked hard to obtain money and were instead going to give the money to the general missionary fund. This was truly a selfless act. Seemingly all they wanted was to have a photo taken with the person that had instilled this idea in them. Why would he deny them even that?

I think our youth need positive reinforcement. I think they need more than ONLY selfless service, more than ONLY doing things for others. Over time they will learn the benefits of doing things for others and will do so without a need for personal recognition. So I think what happened here with these children, if they understood it, was likely a very positive experience. I hope their parents talked with them about it and explained whatever they might not have initially understood.

There is a message in this for all of us, myself most definitely included. I know when I do things for others selflessly and get no acknowledgement of it, that I am filled with a sense of fulfillment. I also know that I don't do this often enough. I am planning to take steps to do more selfless service for my brothers and sisters.

A Night at the Stake Center

So last night I was at the Stake Center ostensibly to see and hear Elder Scott. What I didn't realize was how each and every one of the speakers would touch me.

My Stake President is a really fine man. I have only heard him speak twice now, but I have really enjoyed both times. He clearly speaks from the heart, he truly cares about the membership of his Stake, and he loves his Church a great deal. He spoke on many subjects, but one thing that really amazed me is that as he spoke of Missionary work it was as though he already knew what I was going to say. Without our having talked about it at all, he really put down the foundation upon which my talk could rest. I was touched by what he said and I am quite thankful to have him as my Stake President.

Then I gave my talk as I showed in my previous post.

Next up was one of my Stake Presidents' counselors. This was the same gentleman that conducted my interview for the Melchizedek Priesthood. He spoke of the people that had been brought there that were not members. It was an easy thing to put myself in their shoes because that is where I was not very long ago. His message was a good one and I think it was well received by anyone with an open heart.

Then, someone I had not expected (or known about) at all - a member of the Quorum of the Seventy spoke. He opened his talk in a language I actually did not recognize at all. I was quite impressed as he stated that he was obedient to his wife, that his wife had asked that he deliver a message, that the people that needed to receive the message had received it. Then he proceeded to talk about a great many things. His sincerity was obvious as he shared many stories with us all. One story that really affected me was his transition from asking Missionaries what they had learned each morning in studying the scripture to sharing with them what HE had learned each morning. We can teach so much by example that sometimes I think we forget and end up taking steps to try to force (or coerce) people into doing what we desire of them. The old saying about flies and honey springs to mind. His discussion of the Missionaries reaction to his teaching was good to hear. Another story he told that touched me personally was when he talked about his son speaking. His son reflected to the assembled people that one of the most powerful things that had affected him in his youth was when he would go upstairs and find his Father studying scripture.

Next up was Elder Scott. It was amazing in many many ways to see and hear him. His sense of humor, even in the face of adversity was striking! He had some difficulty with his computer for a while, and he made three or four comments during that time that really surprised me. One was something along the lines of "Switching computers is like meeting a new friend - you need to find common ground". Another was something like "I wish this computer wasn't from Argentina - their computers are masculine. If this computer was feminine, it would be a little more friendly to me." The actual words of his remarks were not as important to me as the very casual way he shared a positive minded thought while he truly struggled with the computer. From where I sat, I could see his actions - somehow the computer was trying to connect to the internet, and also he was in Photoshop. He kept trying to open the document he wanted and it wasn't there. I know Photoshop extremely well, and was just five feet from him. Being a computer person, on the one hand I was extremely tempted to try to help him, but something told me that there was a problem going on that I wouldn't be able to solve. On the one hand, I was thinking that I could look in his recent documents or even do a search of all photoshop files on his computer in an attempt to find what he was looking for. I even thought of searching for image files (like jpeg, tif or gif) in case that was what format his content was in. But again I received a prompting that I didn't know what he needed and I would only further delay his getting to the information he desired. This confused me because I really thought I should be able to help him.

Then, a little later, amid his continuing dialog, and after a computer reboot, he left Photoshop entirely, launched Wordperfect, and found his presentation there. It wasn't IN Photoshop at all. So no matter how many perfect searches I looked up on his computer, no matter how many file types I knew of, no matter HOW WELL I knew Photoshop, I wouldn't have been able to help him one bit.

Then he shared a new way to learn from the scripture. You begin with an establishing statement - something like "I can prepare myself to be closer to the Holy Ghost by". Then, as you read passages of scripture, you find evidence of things people have done or had evidenced to them to accomplish the establishing statement. One example he gave was Enos 1:10: "And while I was thus struggling in the spirit, behold, the voice of the Lord came into my mind again, saying: I will visit thy brethren according to their diligence in keeping my commandments." (Note that while there is more in that verse, what I have written here is all that he showed us on the projector). The moment he asked the question "What do we see here that addresses our foundational statement?" I saw it - the section stating "I will visit thy brethren according to their diligence in keeping my commandments." I raised my hand, but being behind him, he didn't see me. :) It was great to see an Apostle teach in such an open way, asking questions, having people respond. I think everyone learned more by his way of teaching than if he had simply "told us" what he wanted to say. By going through the steps, going through the motions, showing us by example, we all learned more I think.

Finally, his example of trying to hard to copy scripture notes from someone (I wish I could remember who - I think it was an Apostle, and I think it was while he was a Mission President) really touched me. The person whose scripture notes he was trying to copy (staying up until 4:30am copying them diligently, only getting through as far as Mormon) actually was so impressed that he had someone type up all of his notes. He sent them all to Elder Scott, who, I believe, copied them all into his own scriptures. Then Elder Scott said to us something like "If it was THAT important to them to share the notes they had in their scriptures with a young Mission President, then I decided it was pretty important to read the scripture. And I did, and have continued to."

A large portion of Elder Scott's message last night was about us reading scripture every day. I will certainly be making a great effort to do so.

Five Minutes

I had five minutes to talk before Elder Scott tonight. I could not BELIEVE how many people were there, no one had adequately warned me...

I think I did manage to deliver it how I had hoped. The speakers tonight - ALL OF THEM were really really excellent. Lesson learned - I should have brought paper and pencil to take notes. I won't make that mistake again!

I have placed the text of the talk I gave below. The words on "paper" honestly do not deliver the message the same way as when I speak them. But this should give you the core of what I intended to communicate to people.

When I first received news of being given this amazing opportunity to be up here on the stand with an Apostle, my immediate thought was – “I have so much I want to say, what can I do in just five minutes?” Then, just a few days ago, it really dawned on me just how very precious five minutes can be.

Earlier this year I moved into a new house and hired Carlos to lay tile. I didn’t know Carlos – he was recommended to me by a friend. Carlos told me that he would be unavailable for a week before I needed him to put the tile in. Later, while he was working on my house, he explained that his daughter had been struggling and that his entire family had taken a week to work with her and to try to help her with some issues she was having. After talking to Carlos for less than five minutes, I realized just how lucky his daughter was that she had a Father and a family that cared that much for her. That was in January. I learned just a few days ago that Carlos is Mormon.
 
A decade ago, I formed a gaming group of about forty people, and we had fun playing computer games most weekends. Almost all of us were interested in gaming ANY TIME that we could get together, but two of them seemed to always be busy when I would try to schedule something on Sunday. Time and time again, they had other plans. Eventually I realized they were NEVER available to play games on Sundays. Then, one at a time, they both went on their missions – one to Mexico, the other to Spain. I learned that they were Mormon, and I realized that it took them only SECONDS to tell me that they had other plans on their Sundays, but in doing so, they had impressed upon me just how important the Sabbath day was to them. In March of this year, one of these two good friends Baptized me, and the other Confirmed me.

Twenty four years ago, I met a young LDS man named Scott Driggs at Poston Junior High; he was a jock, one of the most popular kids in the entire school, someone I had nothing in common with. I was new there, having just moved to Arizona from Missouri, but Scott would talk to me almost every day, for no reason at all other than to kindly inquire as to what was going on in my life that day. Earlier this year, after reading his message in my Junior High yearbook, I made contact again, and talked to him about the Mormon Church. After asking me if it was ok, he took five minutes to request some missionaries to come to my home, which ultimately lead to me being here today.
 
I beg of you – NEVER underestimate what you can do in five minutes. In my case, it took being around Mormon people for twenty four years before my heart softened enough to let the Holy Ghost in. But I can tell you in sincerity that I needed each and every one of those five minute interactions for me to be where I am today.

The missionaries that came to my house didn’t come there by just knocking on random doors – someone sent them to my home – someone that took the time to ask them to. If YOU know of someone that might be receptive to the Church, get your missionaries involved! Don’t just assume the missionaries will find people by randomly knocking on doors – they need our help.

Know in your heart with certainty that when you go about your daily life, when you hold the Sabbath day holy, when you talk to people about your beliefs, when you live as much like Jesus Christ as you are able, that you have an impact on other people’s lives. You may not see the result today, or tomorrow, or even in twenty four years. But in less than five minutes, YOU may just bring another soul to God.

An Apostle of our Lord

In less than a week, an Apostle will be here in Arizona - Elder Scott. It is interesting to think - with all our technology, all our ability to communicate rapidly and "get the word out", the news stations and newspapers and magazines don't talk about Elder Scott coming to Arizona. In days long ago, from scripture, in those comparatively primitive times, people proclaimed the arrival of an Apostle when they would visit a town. Now granted, maybe not everyone was happy about their coming back then, but I think most everyone at least KNEW...

Not only is an Apostle coming, and not only will I have two opportunities to hear him speak, but I have actually been asked to speak on Saturday, during the Adult Session of my Stake Conference. This puts me on the stand just a few feet from him for the entire session. What a blessing this will be!

I was inspired a few days ago with the talk I will give, and I hope it is well received. I have felt from first joining the Church that I have an important message to bring to its' membership. This talk on Saturday gives me an opportunity to share that message with even more people.

This weekend should be an absolutely incredible experience.

The Spirit of Companionship

Finding my path in this life has been a true and wondrous blessing.

I ended my night at Church with another amazing fireside tonight. I have been so very very fortunate to have had specific messages sent to me from each fireside I have been to. Tonight was no exception. I was touched deeply by their message and afterwards, I thanked the couple that spoke. As I shook their hands, I could feel the Spirit inside them.

The husband shook my hand and took some extra time to talk with me. He looked deep into my eyes, grabbed my shoulder with force and told me that he could see that I was touched by the Spirit. He told me that he knew if I followed the clean path that good things would happen to me. I confess I don't remember every individual word he spoke, but it was as if we spoke spirit to spirit. He really touched my soul, and I could feel the truth of what he said in the core of my very being.

I have been extremely fortunate to have found some incredible friends in the Church. I cannot describe in words how just seeing them in Church fills me with joy and happiness - knowing that they are there to hear the message of our Heavenly Father, that they too are on the path. Seeing a dear friend walking in and out of the sacrament meeting with her lovely new baby. Knowing that as much as I wish she could stay there next to her husband, daughters and son that she is still able to hear from outside the main room. Seeing either of two policemen that I have grown to respect and care about because of the difficulties they struggle with in their lives. Seeing a man who I have known only a short while but who seems to get closer to the Spirit each Sunday.

There are so many people there now, that I know little tidbits about. Things that make them a bit more my brothers and sisters. Whether it be hurts they have experienced or joys that have happened, children they are proud of, whatever it might be - I see them, and I know a little of their journey down this path we call life.

Some of them have been praying for me. Some have been looking out for me. Some just wish me well. On Sundays it is as if I can feel each one of those individual prayers and well wishes falling upon me and caressing my spirit. This has gone on for a long while now.

And there has been fruit borne of these many prayers and well wishes. I had prayed to find someone to spend time with. For a time, I tried to envision what sort of person my prayer could possibly manifest, and my only conclusion was a horrific one unfortunately.

What lady could there possibly be, that had been raised in the Church, had gone on a mission, had a sense of humor and common interests to my own? What lady could there possibly be that was all of those things and had not married? I concluded with certainty that there could be none. To my dismay, the only such lady I could envision would be one that had been married, and sadly was a widow. And I could not bring myself to wish for someone to be widowed. So, for a time, I thought that I would have to move beyond the veil to find what my heart longed for.

But some time ago, a friend heard of someone that I might be interested in. They arranged for me to get in touch with her. I wrote to her, I spoke with her on the phone, and she seemed extremely enjoyable. We had a good time talking, even on spiritual subjects.

We met and I was overjoyed to find that she was not only beautiful, but intelligent, had an excellent sense of humor, and I really began to notice some common interests.

Another outing and we found ourselves talking until past midnight. I thoroughly enjoy talking to her. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I haven't known her for years - she is so easy to talk to and have fun with, that it is easy to be fooled into thinking we have known each other for a long long time.

I don't know precisely where this will lead, but I know my spirit is happy to have found a companion to talk to and spend some time with. I look forward to going to the Temple with her, to going to Church with her, and to talking more with her.

The spirit of companionship for me is having someone with which to share my feelings. Talking with someone that I enjoy listening to as much as I enjoy sharing stories with. Spending time with someone that can have a good time when it is so dark out that we can scarcely even see the outlines of what we are there to look at (we were at a bird sanctuary WELL past sunset and still had a blast! :). Someone with whom I am happier.

I have found such a person, and my heart is filled with joy for having found them.

In 1 Nephi, Chapter 8, verse 14, Lehi is standing at the Tree of Life. It reads: "...I beheld your Mother Sariah, and Sam, and Nephi; and they stood as if they knew not whither they should go."

And verse 16: "And it came to pass that they did come unto me and partake of the fruit also."

I read those words for the first time months ago now. From the very first reading, I have heard a strong voice inside my heart that I need to find a companion. Even from that time, I knew that the only way I would find that companion was to grab hold of the iron rod and to follow the path to the tree.

In Lehi's case, he was standing at the tree waiting for Sariah to join him.

In the story that is my life, I think Sariah has been waiting at the tree for Lehi.

A Busy Spirit

Life has been a real blur of late - things are really picking up and moving along.

I was blessed to have been told about a charity concert for the Nielsons, a family that has been struck by much tragedy ( http://www.nieniedialogues.blogspot.com ). I bought a ticket and went to the concert and it was really amazing. SO many people volunteered their time to help this family, it was just a very touching experience. I've been working on a video of the concert because Stephanie Nielson couldn't be there (she was having surgery). I took some video footage while I was there (it was my first time really ever shooting video), and was very fortunate to get some clean audio tracks of the event to mix in. Currently I have the audio synced up to the video (that took a little doing) and am waiting on some video footage from someone else that shot video there. Hopefully I'll have that soon. Once I have everything together, I'll probably post some highlights here for anyone interested.

One of the people I met at the concert was Debbie West Coon ( http://www.debbiewestcoon.com ). She put in so much time organizing the event, finding artists to contribute, and generally making it happen that she didn't even have time to practice much (if at all) herself before going on stage. She has a really beautiful voice! She was interested in a music video and although I told her I was new to video (I have been a professional photographer for years now though), she is still interested. I'll be doing it for free, for two reasons - for one, I am certainly not a professional videographer (yet!), and for another, I really felt that after all the work she put into making the charity a reality that she deserved something in return! I am really looking forward to working on this with her! :)

Speaking of music, I have story boarded (ie, made crude sketches of what I want to film) the video for the song I wrote last month. I've contacted several models and am working on getting some initial video footage to start working with. I bought the lens and steadycam equipment I will need for filming this. So far I have received the lens, still waiting on the steadycam equipment (it should arrive next week). I am really getting excited about this! I think for my first draft I'll just film the scenes, cut them together, and then put some generic background music to go with it. Then I'll have the words come up as the video progresses. Maybe by taking that video to some musicians and singers I can find some people to make my vision a reality.

To that end, I've been teaching myself Adobe Premiere for the last few weeks so that I can do some video cut work and audio sync work as well. This has been a huge learning experience for me since I haven't really ever been into video until now.

I took my literally very first video footage I had shot with the new camera (taken at Easter) along with some photos I took at Easter and put together a very short (one minute) video to teach myself how to put photos and video together in a movie. I tried to have the photos appear in rhythm with the music and I think that worked out pretty well. The two kids in the video are my beautiful children, who I love and adore with all my heart.

If your computer can handle it, this is the HD version of the video: HD version

High quality version (a little lower cpu requirement): high quality

Minimum quality version, should work on any computer and even some cell phones: minimum quality

In other news, I have been very blessed in my experiences with the Spirit. Some recent activity would be that I have received the Aaronic Priesthood and began blessing the Sacrament. Since I have been recently Baptized, blessing the Sacrament to me is an act of extreme importance and something I took very seriously each time I performed it. I had noticed that some of the people that blessed the Sacrament had done so for so long that the words just seemed to rush out of their mouths as they said them. I have felt that one of the things I bring uniquely to my ward is a fresh look at things that may have become "normal" to others. When I gave the blessing at Easter time I felt it was even more important, so as I had done before, I put my heart into how I said the words aloud and I really felt the Spirit as I did so. Later in the Sacrament meeting, a fellow ward member that was speaking to everyone present mentioned that it had touched him how I had said the words. I have to admit it felt very good to know that I wasn't the only one that felt the Spirit as I said those very important words!

My calling is to be a ward Missionary, which I have to say really felt good. I had frankly no concept whatsoever of what my calling would be, but this really seemed a good fit to me. I have gone out twice now as a Missionary and it was a very rewarding experience both times.

I have also been reading more about the Melchizedek Priesthood, as I am go receive this priesthood later this month. The more I learn about it, the more blessed I feel to be able to receive this Priesthood. I now realize what I can provide for my children that I could not have ever given them if I had not found this Church! I count my Blessings now so many times a day it amazes me.

I have also found out about Patriarchal Blessings. When I heard what they were and realized that most everyone I knew in the Mormon Church had had one for so many years of their life to help guide them on their way, I truly knew I needed to take the steps to obtain one of my own. As it turns out, no sooner had I gotten my recommend that the Stake Patriarch had to go out of town. He will be returning this very weekend, and I so very much look forward to receiving my Patriarchal Blessing on Sunday!

I am also now finally able to go to the Temple with a limited-use recommend. I look forward to being able to be of service to those that need my help there.

There are so many parts of my life that are coming together right now, both Spiritually and Temporally. It has been an interesting journey to realize that the closer my Spirit gets to God, the more in line my Temporal being gets in terms of a balanced life.

I've been a very busy person in the last month, and things look to be getting even busier in the future, but this journey I am on - it is a very good one. I have had four occasions in just the last month at firesides where a speaker has touched me so very much with the message they had to provide. When I think about how much I gain from going to Church and firesides it really helps me realize that making the time is a simple thing to do if you have your priorities straight. :)

A Song From A Vision

I have been having a vision lately. I see it in my dreams, I hear it in my mind, I see it when I am driving. It keeps coming to me again and again.

It is a song about my journey. The song talks about my life before, it talks about the Missionaries coming, it talks about my Baptism, and it talks about the day I go to Temple.

I have managed to get the words to the song down on paper. I have a vision still of the scenes that go with the song, so I am going to try to record those scenes on video. I have started the ball rolling to find someone to sing this song and someone to write the music to go with it. I really hope I am able to make this vision in my mind a reality that I can share with others.

Here are the words to the song (Titled: Perfect White):

My life, it was fine without You
It was fine... because I didn't know
This whole time, You were right here with me
You were in my heart, You were in my soul

Your perfect words, You sent them to me
My hard heart, became soft, set free
Your word, so beautiful, so true
Perfect White, Perfect White

Nature's water, underneath I go
My thoughts, my deeds, You knew them all
The bad from me, away did flow
Through you, I am made Perfect White

Through Your door, inside I go
The future I see, Your love I know
I give to You, You reveal to me
So white! Perfect White!

Soften my heart
So I let You in
I'll never let go
Not ever again!

Nature's water, underneath I go
My thoughts, my deeds, You knew them all
The bad from me, away did flow
Through you, I am made Perfect White

Through your door, inside I go
The future I see, Your love I know
I give to You, You reveal to me
So white! Perfect White!

Soften my heart
So I let You in
I'll never let go
Not ever again!

Through Your door, inside I go
The future I see, Your love I know
I give to You, You reveal to me
So white! Perfect White!

I'll never let go
Not ever again!

Temple Thoughts

It has been quite a while now since my visit to Draper Temple. I wanted some time to really dwell on my thoughts and feelings from my visit there before writing about it in depth. Snippets of time to really think in quiet solitude haven't been easy to come by of late, so it took a while before I was ready to make this post.

I think a brief reflection on my photography will help me explain my feelings from the Temple.

I took a course on photography once - a two day class. It is the only class on photography I've ever taken. One of the most significant things I took away from that class has had a profound effect on my entire life. My favorite instructor there showed us in a myriad ways why simplifying what we took photos of made the photos better.

Over the years since I took that course, I have seen the truth of it - my own photos have really gotten a lot better as I try to simplify what is in them. The more "clutter" in the photo, the more the viewer is distracted from the subject.

When I moved into my new house early this year, I sought to truly simplify my home, to declutter it, to maintain a non cluttered environment. It has REALLY helped me more than I can describe. For some reason, being surrounded by clutter is something that, for me, is VERY distracting, even depressing.

Something else I've worked hard at in my photography is to brighten things up. I don't mean artificially making it look bright or adding light where there wasn't any. Mostly I mean taking photos where I purposefully eliminate black areas that aren't lit. I found that, for me, light is something that I find uplifting in a photo. Darkness in a photo is gloomy, depressing. I have noticed clients having the same reaction to my photography when they notice how bright and uplifting (and simple) I strive to make my photos.

I explained all of this in photographic terms because it is something I can DESCRIBE. Without that background to draw from, I'm not sure my feeling from the Temple can actually be conveyed in words.

Some simple things about the Temple:

1. The Temple is very quiet.
2. The Temple is bright in the sense that there are mostly white walls and nice lighting on the walls.
3. The Temple is simple in that it doesn't have clutter, the rooms are very spacious and uncrowded.

The Temple is a lot more than those three things. But again, I don't know that I can communicate in words all that the Temple is.

Having a quiet, bright, clean, simple place to go be closer to God is a real gift. But those words only describe the physical aspects of the Temple. Spiritually, it is the same - it feels bright with the light of God, it seems quiet from the myriad voices in your head (the Spirit seems more easily able to speak to you), and it feels simple, none of the clutter of everyday life is there in the Temple.

So both physically and spiritually, the Temple is a place that feels extremely well suited to be close to God. And I saw all of this in an undedicated Temple tour. I haven't covenanted with God in a Temple yet. I haven't even set foot in a dedicated Temple yet. I can only IMAGINE what it must be like to be dressed in white, among others dressed in white, participating in Temple activities.

I look forward to the day I get married in Temple. I look forward to sealing my wife, my children, and myself together for all of eternity. I long to look into those reflecting mirrors with my children at my side, explaining to them just how long eternity is, as best I can, with the infinite reflections there to assist me.

The Temple is a truly wondrous place. Words cannot describe what the Temple is, what it does for us, or what it does for our Heavenly Father. I just know that the Temple is a place I very sincerely look forward to spending as much time as possible.

We reap what we sow

In my very first blog post, I remember I was thinking about "how good do I need to be" to make it to everlasting life, to live with our Father in heaven... I eventually came to the realization that it is our task here on earth to be as good as we can possibly be.

This past Friday, I learned what can happen when my brethren fail to follow that principle...

I knew I would have a conversation with my parents about my conversion to the Mormon Church. I had mixed feelings about the conversation - I knew I needed to have it for a variety of reasons, but I also knew how strong their feelings were on the matter. I had read much of the Book of Mormon, and had sought out much more information beyond that, both in the Church and on the Internet, through the use of Google. I thought I was pretty well prepared to answer questions that they might have.

As it turns out, the most compelling arguments my parents had against the religion were ones for which I had no defense. These primarily concerned my parents' own experiences interacting with Mormons. I have apparently been very fortunate in the majority of Mormons I have encountered in my adult life. A surprising number of my friends are Mormon (and I certainly didn't seek out Mormons as friends - I just enjoy being around good, wholesome people). My Mormon friends have always treated me with respect and I have seen great virtue in their actions and the way they have treated others.

My parents, on the other hand, have seen an entirely different picture. And they seemingly haven't met ANY "good" Mormons.

Stories I heard ranged from the distant past, when my sister was young and babysitting. She had been babysitting for a family for some months when one day they asked her "What ward are you in?". She asked what a ward was. That was the last babysitting job she had from them. Clearly, these people had trusted my sister enough to have hired her many times over many months. Why then, would they apparently stop hiring her based on nothing more than her not being Mormon? I told my parents that I didn't think this was right, that the Church teaches us to treat others how we ourselves would want to be treated. I explained that I had seen NOTHING that indicated that we should seek out only those individuals in the Church for our goods and services. The fact is, however, nothing I could say would prevent my parents' having seen how this one Mormon family had treated my sister.

My Father told me of people at his work that had hired someone because they were Mormon, even though they were not qualified to do the work, and even though others that WERE qualified, had applied. Again, there was nothing I could say or do to prevent this experience in my Father's life. It went against everything I have learned in my reading of the scripture, but yet, a fellow brother in the Church apparently did this and my Father witnessed it.

My parents told me of businesses that had apparently been completely boycotted by Mormon people. These were apparently thriving businesses that had done well until it was discovered that the owners were not Mormon. Supposedly, the Church then requested that its' membership no longer go to those businesses. Again, this seemed completely counter to everything I had read in scripture and that I had seen from my own Mormon friends. No matter what I said, I could not erase or fix these experiences in my parents' lives.

My parents explained that they were confused as to how I could be seeing such a vastly different experience in the Mormon Church than they had seen of its membership. They asked if I had experienced good in the Church, why was it that they had not seen any.

To these questions, there are no true answers. I explained to them that not everyone in an organization follows the precepts of it. They knew the truth of this, even from their own Catholic Church. But that doesn't change the apparent fact that their experience with every Mormon they have encountered has been a bad one.

The best solution to this problem that I can see is for me to live as close to Jesus teachings as I can. I need to be the example of the Church that my parents haven't ever seen. I pray that they will encounter others in the Church that are also good people, but I have no direct control over that. I intend to bring them to Church functions when I can, but they are inherently cynical and will judge those people as being on their best behavior.

I cannot fault my parents for being judgemental of the actions of our Church's membership during the week (ie, not on Sunday). How better to know what people believe than to see how they act when they think no one is looking?

We must all remember that whether we think anyone is looking or not, we walk with Jesus always. He sees everything we do, he sees how we treat every soul we encounter, he knows our every thought. We owe it to ourselves to be honest in our actions - to do that which we know in our hearts is right.

If we treat others, Mormon or not, with kindness, we treat Jesus with kindness. We are ALL brothers and sisters, Mormon or not.

If we treat non Mormon people negatively, we treat Jesus negatively.

And... we reap what we sow.

Temptation

Twenty years ago, I was quite a lonely man in terms of finding the lady of my dreams. I didn't know quite what I was looking for, but I knew I hadn't found it.

I had begun using the internet (which at the time was only addresses ending in .edu, .mil, .org and .net. As it turns out, .com didn't really hit wide use until 1991). In my use of the internet, I found, even twenty years ago, a means of talking to other people in real time (albeit text only). I met a young lady my own age that was going to school back East. She was similar to me in many respects - she was lonely, she hadn't had much experience with dating, she knew how to use the internet (this was VERY rare back then), and she seemed interested in me.

We talked a LOT. I began calling her on the phone, nearly every night. Long distance was a ton more expensive twenty years ago than it is now. We talked for hours every time we talked, and we talked about a great many things on the phone... let's just say we violated the law of chastity over the phone line...

I was going to fly out to visit her - at that point, she was in Illinois. I had talked to my friends about it, but they couldn't fathom the thought of me flying across country to see someone I hadn't ever met. Then I heard word she was dating someone - a Frenchman. I was devastated. I immediately knew she was no longer thinking of me as I had been thinking of her. The next time we talked, I pretty much cut off relations. That was probably fifteen years ago.

Then, ten years after that, after I had been married for several years, I received an email from her. She was married too, but had concerns about her marriage. She wanted to pick up where we had left off so long ago. Initially, we exchanged some emails and even talked on the phone, but we were in different places in our lives, so it was obvious things wouldn't be as they had been in the past. Before long, we stopped talking again.

Last year, a long time after I had initiated my divorce, there came a very difficult time in my life. My wife had decided to kick me out of my own home on false grounds. I was EXTREMELY fortunate that she made a mistake and told the police what had actually happened just minutes before she told a judge a completely different story. But that luck wouldn't help me for a month and a half. It took that long before I could get a day in court to show the evidence to a judge, at which point he immediately dismissed the order of protection that had kept me from going to my own home and spending the time with my children that I had before the order had been put in place.

That month and a half was an extremely difficult time in my life. I had to pay all the household bills for a home I wasn't living in (and had no idea how long it would be until I could get back into the house). I had to try to work while I also had so much time to spend talking with my lawyer, with the police, pouring over paperwork that might help me in court, filling out forms, etc. etc. I had to deal with not seeing my children at ALL for a time. It took my lawyer pressing very hard before I finally got to see my children for roughly 1/5 as much as I had been able to see them before this had been done to me. I explain all this because I was very distraught at this time and these are just some of the reasons why.

It was during my time of being kicked out of my own house that I received a phone call again from this girl from my past. Since my own marriage was not only over but actually now to a state where I hate nothing but pure, dire hatred for the woman that had done all these things to me, I felt it was time to talk to this girl from my past. I didn't think of her family. I didn't think of her husband, of her three children. I didn't think of what our discussions might do to them.

So we talked, at first, me explaining what had happened to me, then the two of us talking about what might have been. What might have happened if we had gotten married instead of going the direction our lives had gone. We discussed in great detail what kinds of things we might have experienced together (again violating the law of chastity). It turns out her husband had been out of town, and she had talked to me several times while he was out of town. Once he returned, she was (understandably!) less able to discuss those things with me. It was at this time that I first realized that what we had been doing could have a very bad effect on her family. We stopped talking.

That was October of last year.

It was almost half a year after that last conversation when I was Baptized. I have now lived for many weeks - living with the commandments, the word of wisdom, and specifically aware of the law of chastity, and adultery.

Then, just a few nights ago, I received a request from her for me to call her. I knew from past experience that most often, when she reached out to me, she was struggling with something. I felt very strong in my ability to uphold my covenants with God. Therefore, I called her up, hoping to comfort her, to help her, to do what I could for her without visiting the things we had done in the past.

I think in the back of my mind I had the knowledge that I would be tested, and I think I had some small doubts about how well I would pass the test, but I called her anyway.

At first, she and I just talked, like normal people. She was indeed struggling with her marriage, more than I could remember her having done in the past. This time though, it was my intention to try to help her. Eventually, though, she steered things back to some of the old topics we used to talk about. I interrupted her and told her I had found Jesus. I explained that I was looking for a wholesome, morally grounded wife. I told her I had joined the Mormon Church.

I was frankly stunned at some of her response - she knew enough (in Illinois mind you) about the Mormon Church to say "oh... That isn't just a choice of religion, that is a complete change of lifestyle. You won't be able to talk to me any more..." and she began to weep. I tried to comfort her, I tried to explain that as long as our discussions didn't go back to the topics we USED to discuss that I could still talk to her.

It was then that she went into a frenzy of temptation. This woman had known me for twenty years. She knew of most every fantasy I had ever had, every unfulfilled desire I had experienced in my life up to the point we had talked back last October.

She began to explain in great detail and with MUCH emotion all the things she wanted the two of us to experience together, the desires she had of me, what specifically she would fulfill for me. The temptation was unbelievably great. The more she realized that I wasn't reciprocating her feelings, the more of a frenzy she reached. And the more desire she had for me, the more temptation I felt. It was an absolutely herculean effort to tell her I had to go and to hang up the phone...

I spent that night having nightmares of her temptations. Of fear of my succumbing to them. I dreamed of an intense desire for her.

I woke up the next morning and as I took my shower I thought about what I could do. I struggled to think of how I could remove this temptation from my life but still retain my friendship with her. I had, after all, known her for twenty years. I couldn't envision cutting her off entirely.

Then it hit me. She was (for me), the same as drugs are to other people. She was something I couldn't have in my life. It was obvious the temptations were simply too great for me. I wish I had been stronger to the point that I hadn't been tempted at all, but I have to admit, I was.

So I deleted every single piece of correspondence with her that I had ever had. Twenty years of communication with her. I deleted her phone number from every location I had it in. I removed her from my friends lists.

I sent her one final communication. I asked her to love her husband and her family. I asked her to forget about me. I told her she was too much of a temptation for me. I asked her to not contact me again.

And then, in that moment, something happened. Up to that moment, I had still had the most intense desire for her temptations that I can describe. She had filled my ear with so many descriptions of things and they had been difficult to even picture being able to stop thinking about.

But in the moment after I had sent her my final communication asking her to love her family and to not contact me again, I felt a peace. All of my desire for her left me.

I knew in my heart that she and I had no chance of ever having made a good marriage. The entire foundation of our relationship was based on sinful desire. We had nothing else. What is more, she was married to a man who, in spite of so very many things she had done to him, in spite of so many character flaws that she had, he loved her. He cared for her and did things for her to show it. She didn't always see what he did, and there certainly were things she WISHED him to do that he didn't, but they are good for each other. But the bottom line is, she has a good, loving husband, and she needs to focus on him.

She needs to come to the same realization that I have - talking to me about such things is essentially adultery, even if no physical acts are done, she is thinking about and describing such acts. She needs to respect herself and her family enough to discontinue doing things like that.

So now I view temptation differently than I ever have before. I used to think of temptation as something like... wanting to buy a car you can't afford and either buying it or not. Of being offered a beer and either accepting it or not.

But now I realize that we may actually have times in our lives where someone makes a truly focused effort to tempt us. And in some cases, that temptation can come from someone that knows us well enough to be able to tempt us with complete knowledge of what would tempt us the most.

It reminds me of part of the ancient story "The Odyssey". Here is an excerpt:

"As we departed Circe's (SIR-seez) Island, she warned me of the impending danger ahead as we passed the island of the Sirens . She instructed me to plug up all of the ears of my crewmen and to have them tie me to the mast as the beauteous melodies that came from the Sirens cast a spell over those who hear it. Their tunes cause men to thrust themselves overboard into the sea and ultimately to their death.

I vowed to myself that this would not be the fate of my crew. I obeyed Circe’s advice and filled all of my seamen’s ears with wax. They then bound me to the mast tightly. I instructed them to keep me tied up, even if I begged and pleaded with them to untie me. The Sirens weren’t going to get another ship.

As we sailed by, I became desperate to lunge into the sea, but my crew obeyed my previous orders and just pulled me tighter to the mast. Then, as we sailed away, the music becoming fainter, I gave the signal to unseal their ears and untie me. We had conquered the Sirens."

I have tried to put wax into my ears, and the Spirit helps me with that. Temptation is a far more powerful thing than I previously gave credit to.

I think temptation is something we ALL need to take very very seriously.

A View From the Outside

I was asked to speak to the youth of my ward about my conversion. I chose to picture myself in Junior High, and thought of what I would tell a room full of Mormon Junior High students. This is what I read to them this past Sunday at their fireside.

How lucky you are. You may not realize it, but you are all exceedingly lucky. Your parents knew of this Church either before you were born (as I would guess is true for most of you), or, in the very least, some time before now. You go to Church, you go to firesides, and you hear people talking, giving you a great many messages that can help you for the rest of your lives.

But the question is – do you listen?

I don’t mean with your ears. What I mean is – do you listen to the Spirit inside you? Do you soften your heart and let the emotions inside you, do you put yourself in the shoes of the person talking and think about why it is that the Spirit touched them so much? Can you remember what it was like when you first learned about the Spirit, or the first time the Spirit touched you?

You see, I wasn’t Baptized at eight years old, as I assume most of you were. I was Baptized a mere two weeks ago.

In the few short weeks between missionaries coming to my home for the first time, and my Baptism, I read a lot of the Book of Mormon, and I did a lot of thinking about what it said. I want to share with you some of my thoughts – thoughts from someone that hasn’t been a member of the Church since birth.

Twenty four years ago, I knew a young man in my Junior High school. He was probably the second or third most popular person in my entire school. I was probably one of the least popular people in my school, and no one knew me – I had just moved here from Missouri. He was into sports. I wasn’t. We had absolutely nothing in common. Yet at the beginning of class every day he would ask me how I was doing. He would check in on me. He remembered little, insignificant details about what was going on with me. He would ask me how my program for my computer class was coming along – and he asked not because he was into computers, but because he knew I was. (You probably don’t know this, but twenty four years ago, computers were only used by geeks and nerds. Popular kids in school never even touched computers back then.)

I don’t remember seeing him much in High School, if at all, and I certainly didn’t see him after High School. Turns out he moved to Utah. But I remembered him. I remembered that he was LDS, I remembered that he was a good, kind person. As someone once said of how we should treat others – he was kinder than he had to be. That really struck me then, and I remembered it, for a long, long time.

We all know how nice we actually have to be. We know not to be rude to people. But that only goes so far. It is one thing to not call an annoying person a jerk. It is quite another to help someone you don’t even know when you have absolutely nothing to gain from it.

People notice kindness. So does Heavenly Father.

Matthew 25:40, paraphrased
Whatsoever you do unto the least of my brothers, that, you do unto me.

This works both ways. If we do something bad to someone, if we mistreat them, we do this to the Lord our God. Yet each act of kindness we visit upon another human being, we also do for Heavenly Father.

So why not listen to our hearts, listen to what we know is right and wrong, and take our actions based on that? For this to work though, we have to listen to the Spirit. And for us to be able to hear the Spirit, we need to let it in. We have to soften our hearts. We have to think about what impact our decisions have on others instead of thinking only about ourselves. Think about your co-workers, your family, your friends. Think even of the person that did something bad to you. Realize that just because someone wronged you does not make it ok for you to wrong them.

We know that if our baby brother bites our little sister that it is not ok for her to bite him back. By the same token, if someone does something to us that we don’t like, we need to remember it is not ok for us to treat them badly out of spite.

We all have the voice of the Spirit inside us. Unfortunately, we have the voice of the devil as well – always tempting us. Often times, what the devil is saying sounds so much more pleasant and easy than the voice of the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost is helping us keep our hand on the iron rod, walking steadfast toward the tree with the white fruit. It is up to us to listen to the voice that we choose.

When Nephi saw the vision of the Tree of Life, he saw the temptations of the devil, and the path to hell.

Nephi 12:16-17
“And the angel spake unto me, saying: Behold the fountain of filthy water which thy father saw; yeah, even the river of which he spake; and the depths thereof are the depths of hell. And the mists of darkness are the temptations of the devil, which blindeth the eyes, and hardeneth the hearts of the children of men, and leadeth them away into broad roads, that they perish and are lost.”

Nephi saw what temptation was capable of. He saw how it could keep us from following the Righteous path. When I read this, I realized that throughout my life I had imitated bad television shows and selfish people I knew even though I had read the Bible, and known right from wrong at an early age. Instead of living a Righteous life, it took some forty years before I let the light in. It took that long before I found the one True Church.

Before the missionaries came, I had many other Mormons in my life experience. They each taught me through their daily actions that they were good people. They did right, even when it would have been so much easier to have taken the easier path of temptation. They honored the Sabbath day, they spent time with their families, and they talked about God.

I ask each and every one of you to never forget the gift you all have in this Church. Always let the Spirit inside your heart. Reach out to those around you, friends or not, Mormon or not, and be nice to them. Love your neighbor. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Strive to do right rather than wrong.

Think, once in a while, what it must be like for people that don’t have the Church to help them in their lives. Put yourself in their shoes, think about how much it would help them to find their way. Reach out to those people when you can. Don’t expect your actions to convert them to the Church in that instant, but know in your heart that you are doing good, and that you are teaching by your example.

I thank Heavenly Father daily that my Mormon friends did that for me, for so many years of my life. My only regret is that it took such a long time for me to listen, for me to soften my heart enough to let the Spirit in so that I could find my way.

Who knows… maybe twenty four years from now, one of the people you treat nicely will remember your kindness and find the Church as I did. Your actions each and every day make a difference, whether you realize it or not.

The Spirit is in all our hearts, and it strives to guide us.

We need only listen.

If we soften our hearts and read the scripture, we will know the truth of it.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ.

Amen.

Life's Lesson

I have ADD (or ADHD or whatever they've chosen to call it these days). I don't know if that is what contributes to mood swings or if that is some other ailment. What I do know is that I've always been sensitive about things. And I have (at least from talking to others) a really good memory of my childhood.

I remember a time in grade school. I was in maybe 2nd or 3rd grade at the most. They had a time in class when you could put a record onto this little record player and put on these HUGE headphones with the massive coiled wire thingy connecting them to the record player. I had listened to many story records, but one day I listened to "Ugly Duckling". I remember weeping in my little tiny plastic chair while I listened to the story. I had such a feeling of sorry for the little duckling. I remember the teacher reading to a group of kids in a small circle to my left. I was concerned about them seeing me crying, but I hadn't heard the rest of the story yet, so I wiped my face with the back of my hand and tried to stop crying. Looking back, I think this was the first time I really noticed it. I hardened my heart. I knew from the other kids in class that it wasn't "normal" to cry from merely listening to a story. And the only way I could stop was to harden my heart. Of course back then, I didn't know what I was doing.

I have always had a relatively easy time picturing how others feel about things. Putting myself mentally into their shoes. This can be both a blessing and a curse.

Another story, one I read much later in life, was from "Chicken Soup for the Soul" (a 1993 Best Seller), though I think I read it in some other book. Here is the section that utterly ripped me apart:

"Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at Stanford Hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liza who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her five-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, 'Yes, I'll do it if it will save Liza.'

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, 'Will I start to die right away?'

Being young, the boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give her all his blood."

That story really (to me anyway) shows the love that we have as siblings before we "grow up". I am in NO way saying that adult siblings wouldn't be so selfless, but I think the older we are, the more we have to think about before we would make such a sacrifice.

I've been reading my way through Mosiah (I should finish it this evening in fact), but early on in my reading, I hit Chapter Four of Mosiah and made a blog post about it: here.

After I posted that, I began to think more about the repercussions mentioned. I began to think about what would happen if we knew the right path but failed to follow that path. I began to talk with my friends and with my Bishop about Mosiah Chapter Four. I learned a great deal through those discussions, and I have seen the importance of sharing the scripture questions we have with others we know. We can learn so much from others.

During those discussions, one friend in particular (Chris), mentioned two verses earlier in the same book:

Mosiah 3:18-19

"18. For behold he judgeth, and his judgment is just; and the infant perisheth not that dieth in his infancy; but men drink damnation to their own souls except they humble themselves and become as little children, and believe that salvation was, and is, and is to come, in and through the atoning blood of Christ, the Lord Omnipotent.

19. For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

I bolded the last section because it is very important I think. The very young do not question authority nearly as much as adults do. There is an age where we accept what our parents tell us "because". By this I mean, there is a time when we realize that we do NOT understand the WHY of our parents' requests, but we obey nonetheless.

I am absolutely not saying that we need to follow things blindly. But as adults, I think we tend to think to much sometimes. Well maybe you all don't, but I do. :)

So looking back to the section I bolded, we see how we would become as a child. We would need to be:

1. Submissive
2. Meek
3. Humble
4. Patient
5. Full of Love
6. Willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict

That list is intimidating. Who out there seeks out to be submissive? Meek?

Yet I think many would see being humble, patient, and full of love as virtuous qualities.

Why is it that society in general seems to shun these things though? Once we are an adult (and in reality, somewhere along the way BEFORE we become adults), we are taught by society to move away from these traits. I think there is more to it than simply "growing up".

To me personally, I see that list of six things as something that would be easy to attain if we were a pure hearted child, untainted by all the temptations and bad things in this world.

When I was a very young boy, still in gradeschool, I remember one occasion in which I came to respect my brother so very much. It is a memory filled with shame, but perhaps it will help to write it out.

I have a brother and a sister, both younger than me, my brother being the youngest. When we were very young, my Father was extremely strict (later in life he was merely VERY strict instead of being extremely strict...). We were always given a pile of vitamins to take every morning with breakfast and were under strict orders to take them. A few of them didn't taste particularly good, even during the brief time they'd be in my mouth. And then there was the fact that there were something like five or six of them (some of them somewhat large). I reached a point where I didn't like taking them and decided not to take them. I began hiding them each morning and later flushing them down the toilet.

One time, however, I suppose they didn't flush all the way. Dad found the remnants of a vitamin in the toilet. He immediately began the somewhat traditional interrogation that our household had become used to. He knew it had to be one of us three kids, so he interviewed us each, one by one, in front of the others. We all three denied it (yes, sadly, I lied). I knew that the repercussions of flushing the vitamins was going to be very severe. Dad had made it VERY clear that it was exceedingly important to him that we take the vitamins.

Eventually, with none of us admitting to the crime, he had us each stand in a corner. None of us were to sit or say anything. We stood in our respective corners (all in the same room) for several hours. My brother and sister (being younger) began to falter and have difficulty remaining standing. My Mother began to plead on our behalf to my Father. He would have none of it. He insisted that if it went on long enough that the guilty party would confess. I was quite resolute in not confessing. I had made my mind up that I would take the vitamins from then on, and that if he didn't ever know who had flushed them, that he would be forced to re-instill in us the importance of the vitamins without any severe punishment.

To my surprise, however, my brother, the youngest of us, had reached his limit. He was having trouble standing. He knew he hadn't done it (though he was briefly accused of having flushed a tablet used for a little scuba diving toy he had). But he confessed. He told Mom and Dad that he had done it and that he was sorry.

My brother had always been my Dad's favorite, and I don't recall specifically what happened to him but I vaguely remember it being something minor like being sent to his room to think about what he had done. Dad apologized to my sister and I for having punished us for something we hadn't done.

And, very sadly, I didn't admit, even then, to having actually been the one that committed the crime.

I don't remember for certain, but I don't think I ever told my brother that I had done it. I might have. But I don't remember - we were all pretty young. I think I was still in early grade school. That said, I was definitely old enough to know what lying was and what right and wrong were.

But I have always remembered that time. I always remembered my brother having "admitted" to something he didn't actually do. He knew he risked serious punishment (when our punishments got especially bad, they involved being spanked on bare bottoms many dozen times with hot wheels tracks, something that I almost look back on as torture).

In childhood, my brother was always the purest hearted of all of us. I don't mean to say he later became evil - just that he became less selfless as he got older, something that happens to all of us in life.

I guess the main thing I am trying to explain in writing this all out is that we lose something when we grow up. Some of it is tangible, and some of it isn't.

The Mormon faith teaches us that we come into this world from the Spirit world, where we lived with Heavenly Father. I have been told that when we are born into this world that we don't remember making the decision to come here or what it was like in the Spirit world.

But lately, I've been thinking more about how close I think we actually are to the Spirit world and to Heavenly Father when we first arrive in this world. We ALL know of what we call "childhood innocence". Maybe we need to think a bit harder about "life's lessons" and whether our change of heart is really the right path for us to take.

If "life's lessons" all teach us to harden our hearts, to make them more impervious, more able to deal with strife and wrongdoing... what happens to our soft hearts? The hearts that can give and receive love, the hearts that are sensitive, caring and empathetic?

I for one am thinking about what was said in Mosiah 3:19. About being "submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, submitting to what the Lord inflicts".

Let us not harden our hearts fully. And let us try to spend more time softening our hearts. Let us remember what it was like to be a child.

And most of all, pray for those whose lives force them to harden their hearts just to survive. For how shall they let the Spirit in?

And no, I don't mean pray in the sense of "gosh, yeah, that would be bad for those people".

I mean PRAY. That is what I will do tonight. I will pray on bended knee for those in this world that have such strife in their lives that they know nothing of a soft heart.

And I will pray to thank the Lord for having been so kind as to let me see what gifts I have been given in this life. For it is with my soft heart that I let the Lord in.