Autopilot

[Excerpted from a letter to a friend]

What would you think if someone told you they were living their life on autopilot? Me, I think I would have thought that was really bad.

But what if it was a completely different kind of autopilot?

What if the "AI" (Artificial Intelligence) in the autopilot was actually the Holy Ghost?

I have tried this, and it is amazing! Basically the idea is to follow all those "feelings" you have throughout your day. Every time that "little voice" in your head tells you you REALLY should go do such and such or so an so... you actually DO IT! It is odd, but it actually makes for an easier and more satisfying day. :)

I had an interesting thing happen to me the other day. A friend of mine was sharing a web article about facebook - about how some people were having tons of "normal" friends on facebook but then later having their boss and family ask them to be friends. So at that point, one night of indiscretion (with photos) and they could be in a really bad way what with their parents and boss seeing it and it talked of people even losing their jobs over this sort of thing.

Then the article explained how you could group your facebook friends into categories. You can have friends that can see everything in your life, then you can hide certain things from your family, and from your boss. Or you could even hide specific things from specific friends. All sorts of controls exist to manage this kind of thing.

And then I thought about the bigger meaning of this as it extends to real life. Think about that for a moment! You basically end up hiding from your own family who you are because you don't want them to know. You portray yourself one way to your boss, another to your "close friends", another way to other people, etc. etc.

My kids are such imitators. I think all kids are, it is part of how they learn. They teach me so very much, my kids do. And I think about them a lot. Especially lately. I think about how to teach them the right of things. How to make sure they KNOW the Truth of it. I think about how I have to teach them in such a true manner that they not only teach their OWN children, but it goes further than that.

That facebook example just kindof cemented it for me. So very much of the conflict I have when I think about these things is SOLVED if you follow the Righteous path yourself. I had given my friend (the one that told me about the facebook article) the advice: The best way to solve that problem is to not do things that you don't want people to know about.

And I realized that this was the advice I needed to give myself. The BEST way to teach my children the right way to live their lives is most assuredly NOT to tell them. It isn't even to point them at the Bible or the Book of Mormon or the Church.

The best way for ME to teach my children how to live their lives is to live my own life the best I possibly can. To follow the Righteous path to the fullest of my ability. AND to do those other things - to talk to them, to share the scripture with them, to share the Church with them.

Up until I had this revelation, I had known with certainty that the Church was the right path for me, that I would eventually become a member of the Church, but I didn't feel I was ready to be baptized. I felt I had more to learn or something more to do, I wasn't sure of what.

The realization that I needed to live this life not only for myself but that I played a large part in how my children and their children's children would be as people, somehow this was the final answer I needed.

A few nights ago, I got a sort of reality check as well. I went to the Temple in Mesa and watched the Joseph Smith movie they had there. I thought I knew some things about his life from what I had read up to that point, but I had NO idea!

In my reading of the scripture, I thought so many times how easy it would be to follow God if you had the Lord Almighty manifest himself in front of you, if you had an Angel come down from heaven to guide you, if Moroni came into your bedroom to speak to you. And I thought of how many times Nephi's brethren lost their way AFTER having witnessed so much blatant PROOF of God! Even Lehi lost his way! As I read those scriptures I found it almost mind boggling that these men could lose their faith after the proof they had witnessed.

Then as I watched the movie last night, it really hit me, the truth of it.

We all have things that try our faith in this life. Many of us are very VERY fortunate to not have so many things try our faith as Joseph was tested. Seeing his life and thinking about what it must have been like for him, putting myself in his shoes, it just blew me away. Even those of us that have the very MOST faith are tried again and again.

It really taught me that I must be ever vigilant. So easily could I lose sight of the path, so easily could I lose my way. I am reminded of the closeness to the Spirit that I had in my youth, and how I forgot it, how I turned away.

I told a friend the other day that I felt Joseph Smith had endured nearly as much as Jesus Christ had. Bear in mind, I read the Bible a LONG time ago (when I read it cover to cover), so I had actually forgotten a lot since then. My friend reminded me of the garden of Gethsemane, and pointed me to some scripture. He told me of how Jesus had sweat blood from every pore. I truly didn't remember THAT, but in reading a little of the scripture, I did remember Peter. And I remembered how I had felt when I had read about him so long ago.

How Jesus had told Peter that before the cock had crowed thrice that he would deny him. I remember that. I remember when I read that and was POSITIVE that Peter would never do any such thing! Peter! He was so faithful!

And then in the face of what they did to Jesus, he did just that. Even as I read it as a child, when he denied Jesus the first time, I felt so bad. I couldn't believe it. And then he denied Jesus twice more.

I think about that and I think about the movie last night. No matter how sure we are of our faith, we will be tested. The devil is remarkably tenacious.

I liken it to the portion in the garden of Gethsemane where Jesus asks his disciples to watch and pray. And he keeps coming back to find them sleeping. I have had times in my life where I have been so tired I could scarcely stay awake. I picture Jesus asking me to stay vigilant, to watch and to pray when I was that tired. I hope I could do as he asked, but at the same time I know how much of a struggle it would be.

So for now, I am focused on following the Spirit as it guides me, and I am thankful that God has given me a relatively easy path to follow just now. I am hopeful that before my road becomes more difficult that I will be more accustomed to following the Spirit and will be able to stay on track.