My Baptism

I literally couldn't believe there were so many people there...

Between my Mormon friends that I have made over the years and the new friends I have made within my ward (and unbelievably to me, some people that actually came from other wards that didn't even know me), there were a LOT of people there.

I felt very at peace today, for pretty much the entire day. Having my good friend Danny perform the Baptism was a really good feeling.

Everyone was EXTREMELY nice and I thank them all for having shared today with me, be it the Baptism itself or time at my home afterward.

I am really looking forward to tomorrow when I receive the gift of the Holy Ghost from my confirmation. As I have said before, I have felt extremely close to the Holy Ghost in the last month, but I have learned that my time with the Holy Ghost right now is more like brief moments in time rather than the embrace I will receive tomorrow.

I write this realizing that if I live my life correctly, tonight and tomorrow morning will be the last hours of a life without the Holy Ghost's constant presence. After my confirmation, I will have the Holy Ghost with me always, provided that I continue walking toward the Righteous Path.

So then, I write what those brief moments with the Holy Ghost have been like for me, since I may forget later what it was like to have the Holy Ghost only for brief moments in time.

For me, when the Holy Ghost is truly with me, I can feel it. I get chills, my heart swells up; often I am brought almost instantly to the brink of tears. Sometimes it would be tears of joy, sometimes sadness. I think for a while I thought those were the only two simply because there were tears coming to me.

But the most amazing emotion that sweeps over me so strongly when the Holy Ghost suddenly comes to me is AWE. This is something that I hope I never lose.

When I hear a story about a little child that had no real chance but their parents pray and pray and pray and have Faith and do everything they can... When I heard that against all odds the child made it. That the actual events that transpired to allow the child to live were just crazy odds, but they happened and that is how the child lived. When I hear that testimony and I absolutely SEE that the person giving the testimony is awestruck and thankful and joyous and beside themselves with the miracle they have received, I get that sense of awe right in my chest. I don't even know how else to describe it than awe...

It is beyond joy, it isn't sadness. It isn't even directly Faith I don't think. It is like acceptance that it was indeed a miracle, that the person testifying truly experienced it, that they received it because of their Faith, that God reached out to help them... all of that rolled up together. How else can I describe it than AWE at the incredulity of it all?

So I go to sleep tonight knowing that this is the last night spent with mere glimpses of, mere brief moments of my time with the Holy Ghost. From now on I will have the Holy Ghost with me always - helping me, guiding me, showing me the way.

The way down that Righteous path, the Iron Rod, the way to the Tree, the one with the white fruit. The fruit from the Tree that is precious above all.