To Deny thy Lord thy God

If I had to describe my life up to the time before the missionaries came to my home, I would have to say it was primarily that I lived to avoid conflict.

There is a lot that happens (and that you choose to do) if you live your life that way.

Let's say I had a ton of copied movies in my home and someone was over to my house that did the same thing. I might show them all my copied movies and ask them which one they wanted to watch. I might even offer to let them have a copy of a movie or three. Maybe I would ask them for a copy of their copied movies...

Let's say I still had a ton of copied movies in my home but then a friend was over to my house that DIDN'T copy movies. Let's even say that they really disliked the act of copying movies! If I was trying to avoid conflict, I wouldn't bring up the subject at all. I certainly wouldn't preach that it is ok to copy movies. If they asked to watch a movie, I'd see what was on TV or offer one of the movies I DID buy.

That all seems pretty simple in a way. But what if things got more complex?

What if the second person ASKED me a point blank question about whether I had copied movies? What is the first person AND the second person were at my house at the same time? Would I have to asked the first person to not let on that I had copied movies? If the first person mentioned something about copied movies, would I deny that I had them rather than end up with a confrontation with the second person?

Life isn't always simple. As I began to read scripture, the message truly seemed very simple to me. I'm not saying I understood every word or phrase or the symbolism behind everything I read, but the BASIC concept of knowing what is right and wrong and DOING what is right seemed very simple.

Then I had an opportunity to see the Joseph Smith film at the Temple (with the missionaries) some time back. It was during that movie that it REALLY began to sink in that there are real world consequences when certain people learn that you have Faith in God or that you are a member of the Mormon Church. I wrote before about how Peter denied Jesus.

I myself have begun to have "temptations" or "trials" in which I might have denied my Savior Jesus Christ, or my Church.

The first was my Mother. I knew she didn't like the Mormon (LDS) Church, but I didn't actually realize quite how strong her opinion was until I shared with her that I was going to Church again, but this time it was a Mormon Church. She talked to me about how the Church was a cult, how some people were killed for trying to leave the Church, about how a Bishop had told the wife of an apparent child molester to not say anything and to stay married to him. She told me of how a friend of hers tried to leave the Church but actually had to hire a lawyer to have his name removed from the Church "rolls" (her word).

The second was my ex wife. She actually noticed the major changes I have made in terms of my interaction with her. I forgave her for everything she had done to me, and I apologized for what I had done to her over the course of our marriage. She is applying for increased child support and rather than fighting it, I am trying my very best to do what is right. Then she asked me... What Church have I been going to?

Before I talked to my Mother about my going back to Church, about my joining the Mormon Church, I had considered just hiding it from her. That would be avoiding conflict. That was the easy path. But I am going to be Baptized tomorrow, and I felt it was pretty important to at least TRY to talk to my Mom about the changes in my life. I felt that if I had specifically gone out of my way to NOT let her know about joining the Mormon Church that I would have been denying my Faith. So I told her, even though that CREATED conflict. It was the right thing to do.

Before I answered my ex wife's question of "What church have you been going to?", I briefly considered avoiding answering her or even lying. You see, her hatred of the Church and her belief that it is a cult is so strong, that I feel certain she will actively seek to PREVENT my children from even going to Church... But again, denying the Truth is the same as denying my belief in Jesus Christ.

I feel bad that in each of these two situations I had a brief period where I considered denying my situation. But I am VERY thankful that I had sufficient Faith to go forward and tell the Truth!